General problem handling MJProb

1. ^M87XAJ:fully outlined with all key details in BOLD and most-essential & -timely first. To skim, just read the bold.
2. ^MAYCNN:currently being updated ~1x/mo; ID of last item is version ID.
3. ^M33YGV:Title: General problem handling between humans MJProb
   
4. ^MAZBWQ:SUBSECTIONS: WHAT & WHY, WHEN, WHERE, COST, WHO’S PARTICIPATING, WHAT TO DO, ADDITIONAL DETAILS, POST TODO, CREATORS, ADDITIONAL DETAILS FOR ORGANIZERS/DEVELOPERS, FOOTNOTES, POST HISTORY.

1. ^MJCNND: Please report problems.

   1. ^MJDJ80:For even the best people & leaders, no one can know for sure what all others want and each person can only see a snipet of what’s going on, so problems won’t and often can’t get fixed if unreported.
   2. ^MJDJA4:If the appropriate people don’t want to hear & deal with the problem, that is itself a problem, typically even bigger, which itself needs to be so reported as possible.

2. ^MJCNQR: Report problems promptly.

   1. .

3. ^MJCRR1:Properly report problems up your chain of command for the problem.  Including:

   1. ^MJDGH1:Your chain of command for the problem is an extension of your usual chain of command, which is, going up, 4+ steps:

      1. ^MJCSXJ: you: insure you’re perceiving the matter correctly
         1. ^MJDHFR:this step has some common names the case when not doing it could hurt the dooer: “Look before you leap”, or “Think before you open your mouth”.
         2. ^MJDGTG:those who mistakenly falsely accuse or otherwise mistakenly claim typically quietly skip this step from not thinking/realizing to do it.
      2. ^MJCSY7: the person(s) allegedly immediately responsible: assertively tell them the problems you have with them and try to find a fix
         1. ^MJDH1C:Those who deliberately falsely accuse, including those attempting to spread rumors, typically quietly skip else underdo this step, else try to do so, in order to have their false accusation stick and not come back against them.
         2. ^MJDJKD:Those who are wrongfully shy will also typically skip else wrongfully minimize this step.
      3. ^MJCSYK: your lowest common superior with regards to this present activity/problem: do the same as last step
         1. ^MJDHS4:Those who deliberately falsely accuse, plus anyone who otherwise create needless drama at least here, typically quietly skips this step and instead jumps the matter to higher levels or those who are not a common superior, and will typically deliberately try to do this if their goal is to create wrongful drama.
      4. ^MJCSZ0: his/her immediate superior (repeating this step as necessary): do the same as last step

   2. ^MJCSWJ: For every level, make sure you’ve expressed the problem clearly to that person and tried to mutually resolve it to the degree s/he will constructively do so BEFORE taking it to the next level.

   3. ^MJCSR3:Go up this chain in order stopping when the problem is resolved.

      ---

   4. ^MJDGXO:In all cases where someone skips a step, or goes to people outside of these steps who take action , be this done accidentally or intentionally, that most always creates needless falsehoods and/or drama

      1. ^MJDI6S:fortunately they can generally be significantly stopped & dissuaded from doing this wrong by promptly checking & insisting they follow the steps, as notably by Insure past handling done right before more handling.

   5. ^MJDR6Y:In many cases, genetic instincts and/or bad societal conventions make doing these steps very hard including sometimes taboo.

      1. ^MJDR41:Even hinting that a woman is fat or that man can’t sexually perform is typically very taboo.
      2. ^MJDRFD:Likely the genetic drive to protect a child at all costs causes it very difficult or impossible for some to do an abortion even if quite appropriate, and likely makes it taboo recommend someone get an abortion, even if coming from the person’s cousin or parent or perhaps even the conception’s father.
      3. ^MJDSF7:In the military especially, but not just, it’s very difficult to tell one’s boss the problems one is having with him/her,including there is no protocol here, as any negativity here can be be grounds for insubordination and say disrespect to a superior commissioned officer.
      4. ^MJDQAL:In dating, the first two steps get wrongfully routinely skipped indeed as a matter of course.
         1. ^MJDS9Z:Jealosy binds a person into experience a problem which generally doesn’t exist.
         2. ^MJDQV7:In romance, getting a person to routinely tell his.her partner what she likes & wants about his/her partner (and have one’s partner rationally responding to that), is one of the biggest problems of all romance.
         3.  ^MJDQEM:Women, especially young ones, often very wrongfully expect their date read their mind, and, when it comes to the sexual, will not verbally say “NO” or sometimes even verbally say “NO” to mean “YES” (reverse of  “no means no”).
         4. ^MJDQIS:Men often won’t say they don’t want to spend a lot of money, as go to an expensive restaurant, to the degree that the few men who do readily get wrongfully discounted by the pretty woman as she typically can take advantage of  to give her costly gifts.
         5. ^MJDQQC:hormones (as dopa-mine in the man’s brain when a pretty woman smiles at him) allows a pretty woman to walk on him, including strippers to quickly get him tens or hundreds of dollars for a few minutes of time with her.

4. ^MJCT2J: Properly receive & handle problem reports. Including,

   1. ^MJCT39:Insure past handling done right before more handling.

      Before taking any action, first review & insure the problem reporter has properly handled the problem thus far and where not tell him/her to go back and do that else well explain why not.

      1. ^MJDIEU:If a person is not following these steps, that itself is revealing about him/her.
         1. ^MJDIGH:It’s generally one of the following, from roughy most to least likely:
            1. ^MJDIPQ:Knowing better but deliberately doing this in order to create needless drama most notably to make accusations they know are false to be believed by those who could then wrongfully act on them.
            2. ^MJDIJW:knowing better but not gotten into the habit (as perhaps from not having been properly required to do this)
            3. ^MJDIZJ:knowing better but from the upsetness, making mistakes.
            4. ^MJDIJM:Not knowing better

   2. ^MJCTD2: Only when you are indeed indeed the person now to report to, hear and attempt to constructively resolve the problem.

   3. ^MJDX2O:Reports found false result in the report source being punished to the degree to which the accused would be punished if the report was found true.

5. ^MJCTDV:Where practical, record all communications on the problem.

   1. ^MJDJ3T:Ideally do all communications in writing most ideally via posting (note the audience of the post can be limited, & in many cases it should be).
   2. ^MJDJ6B:This is especially important where there is reasonable likely chance of false accusations or just forgetfulness, where, more often than not, at least one of these is true.

-end of WHAT & WHY

1. ^MJDL1P:seemingly would apply for all time.

-end of WHEN

1. ^MJDL05:seemingly applies to all human interaction though there are probably some exceptions.
   1. ^MJDQ6Y:It is posible this wouldn’t be the best handling procedure for true emergencies — I haven’t thought that though, yet.
2. ^MJDPNB:It is especially important that this be followed when handling high-drama accusations
   1. ^MJDPQP:such as claims of physical assault and especially sexual harassment & rape, or perhaps involving race, and likely involving jealousy
      1. ^MJDPWG:here we can can be intentionally or accidentally manipulated by especially by gender assumptions and sterotypes, as the “woman” or “small person” could do no harm, or the black person is bad, or  man’s expection to protect a violated woman, etc.
   2.  ^MJDQ1J:Here we must fight our urget to take immediate corrective action and do things as Properly report problems up your chain of command for the problem and  Insure past handling done right before more handling

-end of WHERE

1. ^MJDL2E:For not doing this, there is a high costs including:
   1. ^MJDL52:of false accuastions, rumors, and other false claims being made & spread.
   2. ^MJDL5G:secrets getting out
   3. ^MJDL5N:probles not being effectively or at all solved.

-end of COST

1. ^MJDL6T:This I first rwrote for then referenced by OC_Polyamory
2. ^MJDLGX:In is now part of the post category Universal Rules & Guidelines for Meetup.com L2PFGY LR7MKT which is used by several Meetup groups.
3. ^MJDLJU:Much additional use I desire.

-end of WHO’S PARTICIPATING?

1. ^MJDLKJ:Likely most people won’t get this by reading it else will take the time to; this will probably need to be manditory social training.

-end of WHAT TO DO

1. .

-end of FUTURE PLANS

1. ^MJDLN8:Examples:
   1. ^MJDLNP:The real situation which caused me to come up withe the 1st version of this: via a few small entirely faked claims and a feigned emergency when there actually was no situation at all, in the US military a woman officer easily uses sexual harassment policy to very seriously sexually harass a man officer in her same unit, apparently to insure if she can’t have this man romantically, but her much more attractive battle buddy might get him, then he’ll pay –for years.
      1.  ^MJDLRH:Around 2006, I was in the military reserves on my unit’s 2-week annual training.
      2. ^MJDLTO:Officer S, a woman also in my unit & participating as well, was 1 rank above me and had taken a notable romantic interest in me from the day I entered the unit ~2 years earlier; that 1st  or 2nd day she effective asked me out, and while I wasn’t so romantically interested in her (on the fence) , since this was my first day and I didn’t want to be rude to anyone and she also outranked me, I agreed to give it a chance so agreed and afterwards met her at the nearby Starbucks; but there, so I wouldn’t be misleading her, I told her I wasn’t so romantically interested in her, which she said was no problem, so though she was notably cold to me the next few meetings, I thought all that was long since forgotten, but in hindsight it’s seems she was secretly extremely pissed off by me romantically turning her down, indeed for years.
         1. ^MJDNCE:I never told her my reasons for not being so romantically interested in her, but they actually may have some pertinence her later terrible misbehavior here. one was that while she was busty, face wise she was not that pretty and, something rare for a solder, she was notably overweight, indeed so bad she never got thin and was the only solider in our unit of 300 to so have to take her PT “run” test on a bicycle.
            1. ^MJDNFU:Sticking out in this way, including so heavy she always had to take the run test on a bicycle, she might have a lot of unpleasant emotion that she might want to wrongfully dump on someone.
      3. ^MJDM2U:As I began to know Officer S, I saw she perpeturally taked in a sarcastic tone & perhaps wording, which actually made me a tad uncofortable being with her, myself being a straightforward person.
      4. Since that 1st day, I had Officer S’s personal cell # & email address, but I never contacted her, because of my lack of interest in her. She however would notably contact me during military duty, seemingly just do so small video & computer setup tasks which I would guess she could do herself, but I would do them just as part of doing good service to my unit and then leave her.
      5. ^MJDM4P:After about week 1 of 2 of our annual training, we were released for R&R time. During this time I first saw in civilian cloths  Officer R, a fairly pretty woman (generally prettier than Officer S), and she looked notably pretty, but still not my romantic type (no one in my unit was). And Officer S was there as her battle buddy (companion). So, in a bit gitty mood, I ran up to Officer R and said to her “My, Officer R, you look great!” and then ran off, saying nothing to Officer S by her side as I had nothing to say to her and I had long learned I wasn’t very comfortable with her sarcasm anyway.
      6. ^MJDME9:The next morning at formation I was called out having allegedly serious sexual harassment charges placed against me. And they weren’t from Officer R, no, she didn’t have any problem with me; the charges were from Officer S. She had reported to command that I was sexually harassing her. How? I had repeatedly called & contacted her asking her out (no, never), I had looked at her oddly, as I might want to go out with her (no, definitely, never) and I had run after once to ask her out making her uncomfortable (no, never). And she added other woman were having the same trouble (no, I actually didn’t date anyone in the military, both because none were really my type and second because officer men are strongly informally advised against this due to likelyhood of false sexual harassment charges — as I now see I was experiencing here).
      7. ^MJDMZT:And though these charges, even if they were true, were extremely mild, for some reason they were taken extremely seriously (perhaps to use me as a guiny pig for training on how to handle charges, but that’s just a guess) and actually resulted in me having deal with it over several months, including calling in in outside investigator plus me having to write a ~75 page report on the matter which had to be promptly written & delivered on penalty of court marshal..
      8.  ^MJDN08:The report though gave me a lot of time to think of the matter, and in doing so I not only figured out why she likely made these false claims, but how she managed to do it (to fool my command) including some basic ways of how to prevent it.
         1. ^MJDN5Z:She apparently did it because she long wanted to date and was silently very angry (yes, for for years!) that I had turned her romantically down; but then she thought she saw me take a romantic interest in her much prettier battle buddy, and her jealousy turned to rage, so aimed to destroy that & me before it could even start. Plus being notably overweight so out of place, and always being sarcastic so not telling the straight truth as a matter of course, hurting others back thru falsehood would be a natural.
         2. ^MJDNNU:She managed to have her false accusations stick & taken serious thru many techniques, including:
            1. ^MJDNYI:Skipped 2 problem-reporting steps & mostly got away with it. She deliberately skipped 2 steps in Your chain of command for the problem (for proper reporting) and as far as handling done right before more handling, only eventually did my command ask her about but just 1 of the 2 steps and then didn’t pay good attention to her answers.
               1. ^MJDO1E:She jumped with her report to a person overseeing our unit’s whole operation succeeding to manipulate him to assume true and take serious action, perhaps knowing that your lowest common superior with regards to this present activity/problem (our platoon commander) would better know both of us and be wiser in seeing thru her false claims -which he seemed to, but now it was outside of his level).
                  1. ^MJDOBS:Unfortunately, not following handling done right before more handling, she was never called on or even questioned for doing this, and, due to her allegations, I was not allowed to cross-examine her.
               2.  ^MJDO0B:She skipped telling any accusations to me (step  the person(s) allegedly immediately responsible) because it of course her claims were all false she knew I would immediately know that and so then could work to stop it before she could do further damage.
                  1. ^MJDOCY:Fortunately however, eventually doing handling done right though not before more handling, my unit did question her 3 times with roughly “Why didn’t you first tell him directly? After all, you are the higher rank & experience, and these charges aren’t so serious.”. And each time she gave a reasonable answer verbally so they just thought no further.  However I noticed each time she gave a different answer and they conflicted, probably not having planned out the lie would tell here when asked, and I included this in my report. However, since they allowed her answers to be verbal didn’t do Where practical, record all communications on the problem, nothing was recorded, the fact that she had given 3 different answers was probably only remembered by me and it’s quote possible my claims of what she had said (and that she had given 3 different answers) would not be believed especially since I had no recorded proof of it.
            2. ^MJDOMG:She of course played on the fact that she was the “helpless” woman in an “emergency” and I was the strong tall man “taking advantage of her”; indeed to make the most of this, it may have been no accident she chose to tell her story to physically stronger and semi-macho men.
            3. ^MJDTK3:Playing upon the routine lectures & training we’d get ~2x per year telling everyone sexual harassment is bad and claims of it must be taken very seriously.
            4. ^MJDOO1:The fact I was never married “thus” untrustworthy seemed to be well used against me.
            5. ^MJDOQK:And surely her long standing history of doing additional special administrative work for the unit played in her favor, though I’ve sense more deeply realized that just because a person is good to many people certainly doesn’t mean that there still are others they go out of their way to hurt, perhaps because they were tired of being so falsely nice to others they thought they had to be.  My mother actually was this way.
            6. ^MJDP2O:Also by making several claims, all which were hard to prove, it notably confused my leaders into forgetting to spot and be on the lookout for these other ways she was manipulating them.
         3. ^MJDP5A:While it is fairly hard to to develop a simple procedure to stop & discourage all these manipulations, the procedure which I gave in my report (here the WHAT section) catches all her first technique Skipped 2 problem-reporting steps & mostly got away with it,, which would probably had been enough to catch her in her false accusation claim, enough that she likely wouldn’t have tried it. In addition, my report cited all these other manipulations she tried, plus proof of many other lies she told. But by that time, I guess because she had gotten command confused with her allegations and and seemingly manipulated them further. what proof I found of her many lies didn’t seem to matter to them at all.
      9. ^MJDTVZ:And without these safeguards in place,
         1. ^MJDTYY:her entirely faked claims of sexual harassment, even though about the mildest imaginable  were were take very seriously, costing myself and several other staff a good week or more investigations plus this huge report on my part, and while the charges were eventually dropped, it seemed it was only because the new unit commander didn’t want sexual harassment allegations in his unit so just tossed out the investigation. Worst of all, she was never punished for what she did, she basically got away with it, and the huge ~1 inch thick investigative report. even if inconclusive  stayed in my file ever more and was later against me me to further “back”  additional forged charges against me. So the whole thing remains as a great example of  a woman easily using sexual harassment policy in order to seriously sexually harass a man.
         2. ^MJDTZD:And was mine the solo case? Not at all. My boss said he has long learned never to consel a woman subordinate in private due women attempting to make such false claims routinely in spite, and my superior unit’s boss, when I called to ask his help with this matter, said he too had been seriously falsely accused of sexual harassment, and in his case by a male soldier who he chose not to promote. Indeed, most telling of all, the next year, during one of the forever lectures on the badness of sexual harassment, our unit XO (assistant commander), a Hispanic woman who had served our unit for 20 years, said “~80% of the sexual harassment claims she had seen were fake”.
         3.  ^MJDX0X:And why are there so many? I can only guess the obvious: because without safegards as these and more, falsely accusing alays pays off. The problem is (1) it’s way too easy for false accusations to stick or at least create enormous doubt & damaged reputation; and (2) when the charges don’t stick, never is the accuser punished, So she or most anyone can pretty much only win by falsely accuse.
2. ^MJCVW1:History (of this solution), partial
   1. ^MJCVWU:In my military service,
      1. ^MJCVYW:I was falsely accused & reported on a routine basis
      2. ^MJCW35:This led me to look up chain of command procedures, including problem reporting, starting when in Camp Doha, Kuwait, but no one knew any and to my surprise the librarian apparently correctly reported there were no formal documents on this, just a general understanding of what needs to be done.
      3. ^MJCW3S:After being entirely falsely accused of something rather serious, I studied how the false report was able to be taken seriously and in my formal report on the matter, developed a procedure for problem reporting which would have prevented this (would have caught the false report, so probably prevented it from happening in the first place).
         1. ^MJCW9R:Sadly but not surprisingly nobody make any comment of this solution, and the false accusations of me continued.
      4. ^MJCW6V:In Officer training in Fort Sam Houston, for my power point presentation, I gave  report on this method.
         1. ^MJCWBC: Sadly but not suprrisingly (including since this was just a class presentation on a whole variety of topics), nobody seemed to follow up on this solution nor take much interest, just evaluated how well I presented which was fine.
   2. ^MJCWEC:Now overseeing a romance group http://Meetup.com/OC-Polyamory
      1. ^MJCWIJ: I see how members (who just auto-signed up, a system set in place prior to me) were often trying to use this & similar groups to romantically cheat on their spouses & family.
      2. ^MJCWIT:I added a profile question of each member to catch this but then saw the member who I questioned (because he seemed like he was aiming else open to cheating on his wife via us) then this not wanting to follow my direction to answer it completely. E
      3. ^MJCWQH:I then realized it even if I could force him to write the truth (that he had a wive who didn’t give him permission yet) he could then change it when I wasn’t looking so would be up to the other members (women he perused in his case) to then be reporting that his profile was not honest.
      4. ^MJCWRW:Indeed it was way too much work for any volunteer leader to be constantly checking every profile for accuracy.
      5. ^MJCWS7:But then encouraging members to report on one another could easily lead to false reporting especially in the romance world, plus pissing each other off when the matter wasn’t first brought to them.
         1. ^MJDL96:So I originally wrote this as the content of point MJCNGD of “About us” of http://Meetup.com/OC-Polyamory  the seening its complexity (in addition to knowing it s generality) make it this a separate post.

-end of ADDITIONAL DETAILS

1. .

-end of POST TODO

1. ^MEMPEO:The author

2. ^MEMPF1:No one else.

-end of CREATORS